Yakisoba
by obsidianLight16
Summary: Deidara tries to make himself a hard-earned lunch... TRIES to anyway... Someone up above must really have it out for him.


**A/N: Another fic in the same universe as Friggin' Walnuts and Not In The Mood. **

**What can I say? Deidara's a persistent little bugger. But I love 'im :P**

**As always, he ends up in trouble. **

**Warning: Language, slight OOC**

**Disclaimer: ...you'd _think _you'd know by now. **

**Deidara's P.O.V.**

* * *

><p>I was working diligently on my new C2 explosive.<p>

A dragon that could shoot out other dragon bombs! Of course…it would do more than just that once I added the finishing touches to it, but for now it was looking pretty good. Maybe this time I would be able to blow Hiruko to smithereens, because I have to admit- a C1 just wasn't cutting it.

Danna will be _so_ in shock as he watches his puppet fall like rain around him the next time we train. Maybe even _himself_.

I cackle loudly to myself, pushing back from my work desk and wiping my hands on the apron I wore which was plastered in smudges and pieces of clay. All the work made me hungry, and I feel I deserve a little something to eat. After all, the chakra I use to go into my art has a tendency to leave me with an empty stomach. Kakuzu's heart attack and the food bill he received on the last mission we had together could attest to that.

Not bothering to take off my apron, I head for the kitchen.

As I walk down the sun-filled passageway, I pass by the very respected danna I had just been thinking about blowing up.

He speaks without even looking. "I know what you're planning and it won't work on me," he says.

I glare at him as he disappears from sight, sticking out my tongue. "We'll see about that un," I mutter to myself.

A pair of fingers grab my tongue. "Now what are you doing Deidara?"

I blink, looking up at Itachi. "Bmotnthg."

"…"

"…"

Itachi releases my tongue, thus enabling my ability to speak in an understandable language.

"Nothing un."

He sighs, poking me in the forehead before walking off back to what I presume to be his room. He never really goes anywhere else lately. Maybe I should try and take him out on a walk…?

But that would be too nice for me!

After all, I was and still am hating him for some bizarre reason.

Hey- it takes energy to hate.

Especially over a pair of eyes.

With this thought flitting around pointlessly in my mind, I enter the kitchen and make a beeline for the cabinets by the fridge. There is one container of spicy chicken Yakisoba left at the bottom of the pantry I search through first. With the cry of a madman, I seize it in my own little hands and triumphantly hold it up to the ceiling. "It's all mine!"

It was only after a few minutes pass by and I realize what an idiot I look like when I shout aloud to myself, that I decide to read the directions on the package and actually make something.

~X~

**-Four Minutes Later-**

~X~

I stuck the container inside the microwave a while ago and was now listlessly tapping my fingers on the kitchen counter.

I really need to go outside more often. I can't remember the last time I saw sunlight, having taken the liberty of locking myself up in my room to work on my clay. And Leader hadn't brought up a new mission for me or anyone else in the base for that matter since a month ago. We were all getting pretty lax and rarely spoke to one another unless sparring or saying hello.

It was _weird_.

The beeping of the microwave breaks me out of my thoughts and I push away from the counter to open the small plastic door. Or I assume it was plastic anyway. How should _I _know what a microwave was made out of?

Carefully lifting the tray of Yakisoba noodles off the plate inside the machine, I set it on the counter with a happy smile. My mouth was watering and stomach beginning to burn in that uncomfortable sensation of hunger. I imagine shoving the noodles in my mouth with abandon, flipping up the paper cover and preparing to add the finishing mixture to it.

The food wasn't done though.

Hmm. Well I should have known the noodles wouldn't cook _exactly _in the time limit the directions had given me. I shake my head in good humor, noticing how the bottom of the noodles were soft while the top was hard. I don't want the dough to dry out, so adding moisture would be the smart thing to do.

I walk over to the sink and turn it on, holding the container under the faucet for a few seconds before moving away and putting the tray back into the microwave.

~X~

**-A Minute Later-**

~X~

The top layer of the noodles was still uncooked.

My feet bring me towards the sink again where I add more water with a baffled expression. I figure it will just re-cook the entire dish without making the noodles hard. But it was bothering me. I put the noodles in the microwave and wonder why it wasn't ready yet. I mean, I was cooking the thing way longer than it should have been cooking for.

Well either way, the food should be good to go now.

~X~

**-Another Minute Goes By-**

~X~

The microwave door opens slowly, courtesy of my hand as I stick my head inside. The tray is waiting for me to grab it, but I don't. I leave it there and instead reach out a hand.

I peer hopefully under the flap.

The noodles on top were still built like a brick.

Damn this stupid container!

I angrily slam the microwave door shut and turn my back to it. As if that would _magically _cook my noodles properly for me.

A few minutes pass and I sigh, hanging my arms and turning back around.

The buttons on the machine weren't going to press themselves after all…

~X~

**-A Minute And A Half Later-**

~X~

I stare bullets into the tray of food before me.

The noodles on top haven't cooked at all!

Someone enters the kitchen. A quick check of the chakra signature confirms that it's the Kiri shark nin. But instead of offering the older and more experienced man a greeting, I stab a chopstick through the uncooked part of the noodles in front of me.

I can feel Kisame send me a curious glance as he heads for the fridge. "What's the problem kiddo?"

"These noodles aren't cooking right hmm."

"Maybe you didn't do something right," Kisame half suggests.

I stare at the noodles half-heartedly. "That can't be it un. I filled it with the right amount of water and followed all the directions…"

"Did you fill it with the right amount of water?" Kisame questions.

I pop a vein, glaring at him. "I already told you I did!"

Kisame raises his hands in his defense. "Then…maybe you should just flip it over and let it cook on the other side?"

"…"

"…"

My eyes widen. "Wow! What a great idea un!" Of course on the inside I was mentally stabbing the older nin with my chopsticks for figuring something out I didn't.

Kisame snickers, patting me on the head before walking out the kitchen.

I choose to ignore him in favor of trying out his suggestion.

For the sake of my mentality and patience this better work.

~X~

**-Yet Another Damn Minute Later-**

~X~

The microwave beeps and I practically throw myself at the machine.

Eagerly I remove the plastic container from the microwave and set it on the counter, peeling the flap back all the way. My face drops. I prod at the thin strands of dough with my chopsticks, brow furrowing slightly. So a few noodles are still completely dry- but who cares anymore dammit!

I spent half of my life working on this tiny box of noodles!

With some difficulty (the first three pairs of chopsticks break in half with the amount of force I choose to use), I manage to successfully mix the seasoning in with the noodles. "Finally," I breath aloud, satisfaction coming up over me.

But instead of immediately devouring the food like I _thought _I would be doing, I just ended up staring at what I had created. Soon enough I realize with growing annoyance that during the entire thirty minutes I spent cooking the noodles, my hunger has faded. Leaving me with a thick and heavy knot of discomfort in my stomach.

My eye twitches.

Damn Yakisoba!

In a fit of anger, I slam my hand down into the newly made container of noodles. Why the hell did I go through all this trouble if I wasn't even going to eat the food in the end? With a huff I lift my hand out the sizzling mess.

It promptly bursts into flames.

I stare at my burning fingers for all of three seconds.

And then start to scream.

"HOLY CRAP YAKISOBA IS TRYING TO KILL ME!" I howl, flailing my arm as if it would put the fire out on its own.

"What the fuck is-" Hidan comes running in, eyes popping out as he noticed my flaming hand. "HOLY SHIT!" he shouted.

"Don't just stand there un!" I cry. "Help a guy out a little!"

Kakuzu says nothing when Hidan drags me to his room. He merely pulls me inside and puts on a gas mask.

Damn it all.

~X~

**Twenty-Five Minutes Later-**

~X~

Kakuzu ushers me out of his room, a maniac-like glint in his eye as he once again manages to scar me. "Try not to get in so much trouble Deidara," he says.

"You'd probably push me down a flight of stairs just to use your new flamethrower on me," I mutter in his direction.

"How very right you are," he murmurs with a grin, closing the door and leaving me alone in the hallway.

Now I may not have usage of my left hand, due to it being impossibly bandaged (I think my mouth palm died), but that didn't mean I couldn't get someone else to set off a fuse.

Needless to say, I soon have a very livid Kakuzu on my heels.

And Sasori-no-danna's.

~X~

-**An Hour And Several Blown Up Walls Later-**

~X~

Leader sternly stares at me and my danna, his arms crossing with each other. "I thought I told you not to needlessly blow Kakuzu's room up," he scolds me.

I duck my head down, sheepishly looking up at him with my visible eye. "Sorry Leader-san…"

Leader sighs, dropping his arms to rub his brow in exhaustion. "What even caused this?" he asks.

I can tell even Sasori-danna is curious.

After all, I sort of just gave him a bomb and pushed him in front of Kakuzu's room without telling him anything.

"Well…" I bring a hand up to rub my chin absently, looking off to the side. "I was trying to make lunch un."

"…"

"…"

"Come again?" Leader sounds like he's having a hard time comprehending that.

I blink, hoping I don't say anything out of line as I repeat myself. "I was trying to make lunch un."

Sasori-no-danna mutters something unintelligible under his breath, smacking himself in the forehead.

Leader is staring at me. "You…were trying to make lunch," he slowly says as if confirming it himself.

An awkward silence hangs above us. Worse than the time Itachi walked in on me eating walnuts.

That elephant was rolling over in its grave.

And the heavy looks from Leader and danna weren't helping!

"I can't help it un!" I suddenly blurt out, unable to handle the quiet. "Everything I try and do right ends up creating a bigger mess than I intend for it to! I'm really sorry Leader-san, but it's the honest truth!"

Danna deadpans, cuffing me lightly over the head. "We're already well aware of that. Perhaps we should just do things for you so you can't screw it up?" he teases.

I glare in response.

"That's not a bad idea," Leader speaks up, eyes focusing on the both of us. "If it'll prevent accidents like this from occurring, then you should become dependent on the others here until we figure out what's wrong with you Deidara."

Wrong with me? There's nothing wrong with me! I'm perfectly normal!

Unfortunately, things like this cannot be said out loud or else I'd end up six feet under. So I politely incline my head and allow Sasori-danna to drag me out of Leader's chambers.

Damn superior rights.

I never even got to eat my noodles.

And I was hungry now.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Geez...this kid has the worst of luck... -_-u**

**All the more fun to enjoy then :P**

**This happened last night to me by the way. The noodles really _did _refuse to cook. It was absolutely ridiculous! **

**But it still tasted good so...**


End file.
